Haters, Naysayers, and Malcontents.

Current mood: ecstatic

Well alright....I haven't written in a while, but just now, while listening to the ever-prolific (albeit unintelligable) Mazzy Star while taking a Cabernet-induced bubble bath, I decided to address a few topics that have been on my mind as of late. Follow along....as I make the leap from thought to thought....and get to the jist of this blog.

I'm in the bath, and I'm really relaxed and enjoying my wine....and I'm thinking about all the funny comments I've received on my page today regarding my super gay and super over-the-top rainbow layout and cheeseball song "Walking on Sunshine." Which in case you are totally out of the loop, was merely a joke to raz Nicole about my newfound joy and happiness, courtesy of a much younger (yet equally fantastic) guy that I recently met. (don't worry, he's over 18).

So the thing is this....the funny "cougar" comments don't really bother me. They are silly, they are somewhat true, and they are not meant with any malice at all. Yet I know, that undoubtedly, there are those select few (or many?) people on my friends list, and at work, that look down on my antics and "Shannanigins" with distaste and harsh judgment of my personal ethics. I know this, because those people don't joke or laugh or make any comment at all....they just remain stoic and silent in their disaproval (which personaly makes me think they lack any kind of balls or spine or whatever....but hey....that's them). A few of them have commented that perhaps I should "settle down" at some point. But settle down to what I ask? I've had plenty of opportunities to settle down with Joe Average guy, but why would I do that? So I can end up in a miserable, loveless, passionless, convenient, 20 year marriage - like everyone else? I should think not. I'm hardly a commitment-phobe, but I will settle down with someone when I find the right guy to settle down with....and not a moment before.

And then I got to thinking about my married friends who do support my antics and dating exploits, because, as I've heard from more than one of them "I wish I had done more of that when I was single." Yes, the dating Shannanigins stop when you're married (at least they should), and so you are left with nothing but regrets about what (or whom) you didn't do when you had the chance. Well, I for one refuse to live my life with regrets. Sure, I have a few....like everyone...but for the most part I march to the beat of my own drum. Which then got me to thinking about how much shit that particular "beat of my own drum" has gotten me into over the years. Law Enforcement is a profession full of conformists, which of course, I am NOT. But that is a whole other story....for a whole other time.

For now, all I can think of is all the people I know or have known who have lived their lives with too many reservations, existing for the happiness of other people, and full of excuses and timid explanations as to why they can't do what they really want to do. And I feel an overwhelming sadness and pity for them, that they limit themselves and stifle their desires...all because they are afraid of what other people will think. Well, I don't particulary care what other people think. And that's pretty fucking liberating if you ask me. Say what you want about me....but what you see is always what you get....and then some.

I'm ridiculously happy this week. Probably next week too. And who knows, if I'm lucky, maybe even the week after that. But since no day is guaranteed to us, why should I live my life today worrying about what might happen a year or two from now? It's just pointless. And very self-defeating. Life is so fragile, and we can go at any time. Most of us have known that type of unexpected loss of a loved one, and how difficult it is to accept. Even more difficult is the after-the-fact wishing, the - "I wish he'd have taken that dream vacation he wanted to go on" or "I wish she'd have spent some of her hard earned money while she was alive." It's so sad. And I refuse to fall victim to such unnecesary regrets. So I'm going to do it all NOW. Before it's too late.

So whether I die tomorrow or live to be 100, I'm going to continue living each day as if it was my last....and enjoying every single bit of my life to the fullest extent (which includes taking too many vacations, spending too much money on myself, and consorting with this particular hot younger guy). Don't be jealous, you too can live a life of no regrets! Just stop being such a hater, a naysayer, or a malcontent...and start living. I guarantee you.....it's more fun than a greased up whore at a bachellor party.

And hey, at the very least...when I die, there's gonna be one HELL of a photo slideshow at the funeral service.