The Butterfly Effect

No - not a dating blog. Not really. But here's the thing - as I sit alone on a Friday night, contemplating the various reasons why I can't seem to stay interested in any of the super nice guys I've dated in the last year for longer than a month or two, I've come to the conclusion that what these guys have been lacking is "The Butterfly Effect." No, not like that movie with Ashton Kutcher either...

You see, I'm daydreaming about the VERY few guys that I've known in the past that I would love to see again - to go out with again - to whatever again...and I realize that what they all had in common was that "X" factor. They didn't all look alike, and some of them I only met once or twice....but they all had that undeniable THING about them, that certain something that makes a person utterly intoxicating. I guess for guys it might be just as simple as big old boobs or a nice ass, but women are much more tuned in to the UNSEEN aspects of what makes a man attractive. And I'd have to say - without a doubt - the most interesting, irresistable, sexy, appealing, and engaging men I've ever known aren't the ones who have doted on me, or the ones who have been super hot, or have even been anything terribly remarkable to the average person. The ones I can't stop thinking of are the ones that gave me those crazy butterflies in my stomach....sometimes with a kiss...sometimes just by the way they looked at me....I can't seem to qualify what it was exactly that they did, or had, that gave me those butterflies...but it was always intense.

So there you have it....The Butterfly Effect. I guess being with someone that doesn't give me butterflies just isn't an option for me. Because then, all I do is think about how much I miss that feeling, and wonder why I am wasting my time with someone who provides nothing more than "convenient companionship." Which let's face it, for anyone that knows me...knows that has never been something I'm willing to settle for. Like is too temporary to suffer through a mediocre and unfulfilling romance. Therefore I refuse to do it. Like that quote from Steel Magnolias - "I'd rather have 30 minutes of something wonderful, than a whole lifetime of nothing special." So true, so true....such is my life.

So yeah....I think I'll be alone again for a while. Better that, than being with someone who doesn't inspire me, or provoke that sensation deep down in the pit of my stomach, that undeniable burning passion that makes everything else in the world pale in comparison....
ugh. God. I'm surrounded by machismo men everywhere I turn - and yet I'm such a GIRL it's pathetic.


c. August 31, 2007