I wrote this many years ago, as I did most of my poems and journals. Hard to find the words these days, to write anything that I haven't already expressed. I've had more than my share of heartaches; courtesy of death, love, abandonment, guilt, never feeling quite good enough for whoever I was trying to impress. That these days, most of my thoughts swim in circles, already having been given a voice by writings of my past. I feel mute at times, as though anything more I could say would be utterly redundant and interpreted as stupid. Oddly enough, this one poem captures for me the very essence of me...and how I love. It is the only writing which I've always hesitated to share with anyone, even friends. Because it lays bare the woman that I see when I look in the mirror ~ no restraint, no pride, no....nothing....save raw emotion, and a heart that loves so completely and without concern for itself that it leads me to ruin over and over again.
I share it now, only because I realize now that it may not mean as much as I always thought it did. Love....it comes and goes....fleeting, and transient. And never proving worth the tears and soul that I always pour into it.
My heart bleeds emotion....and yet, it seems all for not.
Hush now,
Speak not of things which are better left unsaid
things which are only understood when spoken in the darkness
when the silence falls around us, and my breath is the only sound on your ears
whisper then, for I will understand the words
Hopeless and empty though they may seem should you speak them in the daylight
yet in the stillness and the blackness of the night -
Your words feel to me like a million gentle kisses
filling my heart and daring me to dream...
Oh, but I would stay asleep forever if only I could dream this dream of you
Hush now,
For sometimes there are no words worth saying.
If I could find the words that would tell,
that would describe all that I felt -
I would write them down and call myself a poet...
But there are none beautiful or meaningful enough
My words would fall empty
and never come close to telling of my heart, and how it fills with emotions when I look at you.
No, hush now...
For your arms around me, your hand on my cheek,
and your face pressed against my hair -
says more than you could ever say with words alone...
Hold me closely
so that I may feel the beating of your heart
...and imagine that it beats only for me
That no one else would ever know this closeness with you -
and that should you hold another,
your heart would not beat so loudly as it does when I am in your arms...
Hold me to you -
for in this moment I am all that I would ever want to be -
and though I can not find the words,
when I look at you – in the darkness
in the silence of our breath and the stillness of the night
words would not be needed...
For you have only to look at me
and you will know my heart.