One year ago today....

I was lamenting on a blog about the shitty start of my day, the fact that it was my Dad's birthday, that it was raining, that I had too much work to do, and that my life had spun so far out of control that all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and stare out the window.
Oddly enough, not much has changed. Well, it's not raining at least... But it's still my Dad's birthday...he's still prematurely dead...and I still feel like my life is travelling a course all it's own - often times against my own better judgement. School has fallen by the wayside due to lack of time (and more importantly) a lack of interest, work is still much too much for me to handle on a daily basis, my boys are still growing up too fast and becoming less and less dependent on me - leaving me to wander around my empty house alone - remembering a time in the not so distant past when it was filled with love, laughter, the occasional yelling match, and the sound of what was (in retrospect) a wonderful life, and my solution for everything continues to be losing myself in whatever event, person, vacation, case, or seemingly meaningless task comes my way.
But the sad fact remains, that no matter how busy I make myself, no matter how certain I am of my own good intentions and place in life, no matter how glossy everything looks on the exterior....I still have to go home to that empty house, those people who I love the most are still gone, and I still feel like there is something inherently absent in my life.
c. November 29, 2007