I must be some kind of "brainwashed by the media" hopeless romantic I think. Because it seems that my entire life I've been taught by movies, videos, books, and television - that men actually CAN be romantic. That they DO stare longingly at women and say wonderful sweet things that fill your heart with love and happiness. I've always believed that those guys are out there - somewhere. I just have never been lucky enough to end up with one. Unfortunately, I have dated a few men like that - it didn't work out for different reasons - but at the very least they helped to further instill that belief in me that those types of mushy, sentimental, romantic men DID exist. If only to be marred by other flaws that made them unsuitable for long term relationships.

But here I am now...dating someone new. Someone that I love - and who I love for what I think is all the right reasons - yet he is so absent any romantic gestures that at times it's like he's a robot. Not ALL the time of course, but he is so structured, and rigid, and practical - and nothing at all like me. I'm trying to reconcile my hopeless belief in romance and passion - with the fact that maybe it's all a farce after all. Maybe men aren't like that - and all this time I've been waiting for something or someone that doesn't even exist.

I don't know anymore. And the realization that love may not be at all what I thought it was - breaks my heart.